The Big, Gay, Sparkly Civil Union of Matt Parkman and Mohinder Suresh
By poor_choices, inspired by shiny_karu
Mohinder insisted on having Peter Petrelli.
"Look, sweetie," said Matt, aiming for reasonable. "He's dead."
"No," said Mohinder, "he's extraordinary. I'm sure he survived."
"Angel face, be reasonable."
"I am being reasonable. Now stop acting like I'm hormonal or pregnant or your ex-wife! Just because I'm gay for you doesn't make me the woman."
"Mohinder's right," Molly pointed out. "I think you're the woman, Matt."
Matt rubbed his forehead. "Okay. Okay. Mohinder, how do you think we're going to find Peter Petrelli if he is alive?"
Mohinder considered this.
"Um, hello?" said Molly. "You guys do remember my powers, right?"
There was a pregnant (in the way that Mohinder was not) pause.
"Well," said Mohinder. "I think we know which one of us wears the pants in this relationship."
Matt thought he knew too, but he checked Mohinder's thoughts to make sure.
Yes, Matt, it's Molly.
Yes, yes it was.
"I'm supposed to be dead," Peter pointed out.
"Yes, you are," Mohinder agreed, checking him over for bruises.
"How am I not dead?"
"You can regenerate."
"From that much?"
"So why did you come find me?"
"Well, I'm getting married."
"Oh, wow, really? Congratulations."
"Yes. Well. I need a bridesmaid."
"You're my only friend who has the hips for the dress."
"I think you need more friends."
"Well, you know. Sylar didn't work out."
"Mr. Bennett, I really appreciate you doing this for us."
"It's my pleasure, Matt. And please, I'm giving away your spouse in a civil service. I think you can call me Noah."
"I hope both of you appreciate the gift you've been given. Raising a special child can be quite a handful."
"Oh, we know. But we're both so attached to Molly. And to each other."
And to the gay sex, Noah thought.
Matt decided to pretend he hadn't heard that.
"Hey, um, Mohinder."
"Peter, I hope this is important. I'm trying to do my hair."
"Don't worry about that, you look like the world's prettiest princess on her wedding day."
"Oh. Well. Thank you. What is it?"
"There's this guy who keeps staring at me."
"Well, uh. I was going outside. To see if Nathan was there."
"I think Nathan is dead."
"Stop saying that. And everyone thought I was dead too. Anyway, every time I go out there's this really creepy high school kid just...staring at me."
"He must be on Matt's side of the family. I don't remember inviting any creepy high school students."
"Look, can we focus here! I'm scared."
"Well, use your abilities to blow him up. Honestly, I don't see why this is such a problem. Now help me with my choker. This is my wedding day."
"Either way, I'm getting a green card."
"Hello, Mr. Petrelli."
"Mr. Bennett! Beautiful ceremony, wasn't it? How's Claire?"
"Oh, she's fine, fine. We're thinking of moving to California."
"California, really? I'll have to visit."
"I hope you do. Listen, I couldn't help but notice that creepy high school boy looking at you."
"Neither can I. He's really weirding me out."
"Well, that dress does do everything for your figure. And I say that in a platonic way."
"Of course you do."
"If you'd like me to deal with him, just say the word. My unnamed, previously mute Haitian associate and I could rough him up a little and make him forget he ever saw you."
"Could you make me forget I ever saw him too? I feel dirty just thinking about it."
"Of course. Let us take care of you. Incidentally, are you still a little attracted to my daughter?"
"Of course not!"
"He's lying," said Matt, taking a break from dancing with his stunning new bride/groom.
"I thought so. Well, Mr. Petrelli. How do you feel about Ireland?"