And now we have this.
Jared hates Forks.
For one thing, it's called Forks. Which is lamer than Knives or Spoons. Even Sporks he could get behind. But only ironically.
Plus, he's the new kid. And being the new kid sucks. Especially for Jared, because he just got a growth spurt and his body didn't really get the memo, so all his limbs are too long and he trips over nothing and he's pretty sure someone is going to put a kick-me sign on him. And then when they kick him, he'll fall over and crush a desk and die.
It's going to be awesome.
"Okay, so those are the losers," says Chad, and Jared isn't sure why he's been cursed with an angry jerk for a tour guide, but beggars can't be choosers. Even if about five girls asked to show him around too. They were giggling and Jared was pretty sure one of them had put a kick-me sign somewhere on him. He just hasn't found it. Chad is at least honest and upfront about being a terrible person. "Those are the slimeballs, and those are the douchebags."
Jared glances over at the douchebags and his jaw drops.
They're--okay, they're not pretty, exactly. Well, they are. But they look like they'd catch on fire at the first hint of sun, and either they haven't slept in a week or just got punched in their faces because black eyes galore, and it's just kind of unsettling.
But they're hot.
Jared's a healthy seventeen-year-old boy, so he's used to being turned on by everything from hot girls in bikinis to hot guys in bikinis to paint samples, but his hormones are still pretty fucking confused by the douchebag table.
The prettiest douchebag who looks like he needs to discover tanning and concealer is named Jensen, and he sits next to Jared in Bio and apparently hates him. Jared spends about half the class trying to subtly smell himself, because he doesn't think he has the world's worst B.O., but it seems possible with the way Jensen is looking at him like a piece of week-old roadkill.
"Dude, what's your problem?" Jared hisses at the end of the class, because they're going to be lab partners, and it's going to be awkward.
Jensen looks at him for a long moment and then runs away.
Jared smells himself again.
Maybe he should try Old Spice.
Jensen seems to like Old Spice better.
"Hey, man, sorry about the other day," he says, flashing a smile that almost makes Jared forget that he's, you know, kind of freakish. "I was in a really bad mood."
"It's cool. I mean, first day of school, who isn't?"
"So, um, I'm Jensen."
"Jared," he says, and holds out his hand. Jensen looks at it like it's some kind of bizarre foreign object.
"We should work," says Jensen awkwardly.
Jared wonders how he got the only person ever more awkward than he is. Maybe they can start a club.
"Look, you're not fooling anyone," says Jared.
"With what?" asks Jensen, glancing over his shoulder.
"There's something up with you guys! You're pasty, you're anti-social, and you've got these bags under your eyes like--"
Jensen raises his eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Look. It's okay. Lots of kids are sexually abused."
"And I want you to know, you can talk to me," he says, trying to be as earnest as possible. Because he wants Jensen to trust him. "I'm here for you."
There's a long pause.
"Dude, I'm a fucking vampire, not a...rape victim!"
"God," says Jensen, shuddering.
"Oh man, that makes so much more sense."
"So that's why we can't make out," says Jensen. "Because I don't want to eat you."
"But you can, like...chastely push your lips against mine and not move and not touch in any other way?"
"Basically," Jensen admits.
"God, fuck that," says Jared, and jumps him.
"I thought you were tanning now," Jared's dad says, blinking at him.
Jared tries not to eat him. It's hard, but not nearly as hard as not jumping Jensen would have been. So it kind of balances out.
And that's how Jared Padalecki became a vampire.